The Alt
LONGBOURNE HIGH SCHOOL’S ALTERNATIVE
NEWSPAPER
Mainstream newspapers had their
advice-dispensing twins, Dear Abby and Ann Landers. We’ve got the Tell-Me-Your-Troubles Twins, freshmen Cassie and Leigh Barrett,
here to answer all of your questions about life, love, and everything in
between.
Dear Trouble Twins:
My boyfriend is great but he sticks to the “bros before
ho’s” code too much. Any time one of his
boys calls, he’s off for a night of football, beer, and farting – even if we’ve
already made plans! Help!
--Lovelorn in Longbourne
Leigh: I don’t want to be harsh, but no guy who
calls a girl a “ho” is worth dating.
Jesus loved Mary Magdalene but your boyfriend is not treating with you
the same respect. You should look for a
nicer, more polite boy, maybe at a church youth event. That’s where I found mine! J
Cassie: Ugh.
Assuming you don’t want to date a total dweeb like my sister suggests,
you might want to see what you can do to keep your man focused on you and not
on beer pong. There’s a sale at
Victoria’s Secret. That’s a good start.
Dear Trouble Twins:
I follow lots of celebs on Twitter and tweet them all the
time. How can I get them to tweet me
back?
--Tweety Bird
Leigh: I’m not even sure what you’re talking about,
but if it’s an internet thing you’re referring to, you’d be better off picking
up a good book. Or the Good Book.
Cassie: As with all things boy-related (and I assume
this is), the key to success is persistence.
And cleavage. Why not post a pic
of you in a yummy bikini?
EDITORS’ NOTE: The
advice offered in this column in no way reflects the views of The Alt staff and in some cases is
downright opposed to it. Take it at your own risk.
About the author:
Stephanie Wardrop grew up in Reading, Pennsylvania where she started writing stories when she ran out of books to read. She’s always wanted to be a writer, except during the brief period of her childhood in which piracy seemed like the most enticing career option -- and if she had known then that there actually were “girl” pirates way back when, things might have turned out very differently. She currently teaches writing and literature at Western New England University and lives in a town not unlike the setting of Snark and Circumstance with her husband, two kids, and five cats. With a book out – finally – she might be hitting the high seas any day now.
About the book:
Stephanie Wardrop grew up in Reading, Pennsylvania where she started writing stories when she ran out of books to read. She’s always wanted to be a writer, except during the brief period of her childhood in which piracy seemed like the most enticing career option -- and if she had known then that there actually were “girl” pirates way back when, things might have turned out very differently. She currently teaches writing and literature at Western New England University and lives in a town not unlike the setting of Snark and Circumstance with her husband, two kids, and five cats. With a book out – finally – she might be hitting the high seas any day now.
About the book:
Publication date: February 5, 2013
Publisher: Swoon Romance
One superior smirk from Michael Endicott convinces sixteen-year-old Georgia Barrett that the Devil wears Polo. His family may have founded the postcard-perfect New England town they live in, but Georgia’s not impressed. Even if he is smart, good looking, and can return Georgia’s barbs as deftly as he returns serves on his family’s tennis courts. After all, if Michael actually thinks she refuses to participate in lab dissections just to mess with his grade, he’s a little too sure that he’s the center of the universe. Could there be more to Michael Endicott than smirks and sarcasm? If Georgia can cut the snark long enough, she just might find out.
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